What I learned about Confidence from 18 months of IVF

This weekend, like so many women, I found myself reflecting on motherhood.

And for me, that reflection is inseparable from the road that led me here—

Eighteen months of IVF that cracked me open, shook me to my core, and made me question almost everything.

It didn’t just stretch me. It dismantled me.

It forced me to look at who I was—without guarantees, without control, without certainty. I had to rethink everything I thought I knew:

About my body. My marriage. My limits.

About what I needed, what I believed in, and what I was willing to keep hoping for. And somehow… in the middle of all that chaos, grief, and surrender—

I found confidence.

Not the kind you can fake.

Not the kind that comes from looking put together.

But the kind that’s built when you show up anyway.

When you trust without proof.

When you keep choosing yourself in the dark.

Of all the things IVF gave me,

this understanding of confidence might be the most unexpected

— but also the most sacred.

Confidence in Co-Creation: IVF asked me to believe in a dream with everything I had—and still release control over the outcome.

To surrender to a timeline I couldn’t shape. To accept, with every cell in my body, that miracles don’t show up on demand, no matter how deeply you want them or how hard you work. It taught me that trust isn’t passive.

Trust is active. It’s a choice. 

Confidence in my Decisions: IVF is a relentless series of decisions- most of them heavy, none of them clear.  Many moments, I ached for someone to just tell me what the hell to do.  But in those moments, I realized I had to let go of the noise, exit out of the message boards and lean into confidence in my strategy and intuition.  I had to trust that whatever decision I was making was the right one, simply because I was making it.

Confidence in my Partner: IVF tests even the best of partnerships. It is exhausting on every single level: mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.  Love isn't always loud or romantic- sometimes it is just continuing to show up and keep each other sane when everything feels impossible.

Confidence in Science Handing over your body- and your heart- to a team of strangers- isn't for the weak.  But I anchored into the faith not only in my medical team, but in my judgement in choosing them.  (Also… science is freaking rad.)

Confidence in Resilience: 18 months. 68 internal ultrasounds. Countless 5am doctor appointments.  Hundreds of injections. 5 retrievals. 2 transfers.

 A year and a half of leaping into the universe with absolutely no certainty, with no choice but to find faith in myself, my ability and my commitment.