The First Time I Abandoned Myself

I have been a woman of many names and have reimagined my life several times over.

By the time I was 25, I had worked for New York University, Planned Parenthood, New York Presbyterian, Mt. Sinai and a major private corporate investigations firm.  I had top grades, a Master's Degree and wrote my thesis with the Federal Bureau of Investigation which I presented nationally. 

It was also right around that time that I first abandoned myself.

I  had been dreaming of working as a special agent  for as long as I can remember, and long before it was popular to say so.  I had offers from Homeland Security, the New York Police Academy, the New York State Troopers and the FBI, all of which were time-sensitive and once-in-a-lifetime offers.

I also had an offer from a whistleblowing firm, which was, by far and wide, the least exciting of any of the opportunities.   With none of the confidence that I exude now, I somehow let the owner of the company (a man who would later go on to torment me for nearly a decade) and his equally hellacious (but more subtly so) business partner convince me that a role of their company was what I needed.  

With promises of an executive position, a high salary, and profit-sharing opportunities, I closed the to door to the dream I had since I was young enough to envision one.

For eight years, I worked 60 hours plus work-weeks.

I answered emails on the weekends. I responded to texts in the shower.  I took calls on holidays and vacations (on the few occasions I was granted one). I had all the things I thought success was made of: an executive title, a big salary, a fancy blackberry, but I was missing the most fundamental point:

My life lacked alignment and purpose.

I was hustling for all the wrong reasons:

 obligation, pressure, a misguided view of what responsibility meant.

Luckily for me, I was able to harness the courage I needed to step off a path that was leading in the wrong direction (even though I spent a lot of time already walking it), realign to my passion and recreate the life & legacy I was meant for.

I am a firm believer that

 every big vision starts with a wild idea inside of the mind of a courageous woman 

and I have made a living out of helping other women: the creatives, visionaries and thought leaders of this world, gain freedom, stop hustling for someone else’s dream and embody their own legacy.